it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
