either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
