Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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