I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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