a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
