I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize