At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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