my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
