And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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