having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
