Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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