All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
