Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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