whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
