Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
