Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
