So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
