Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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