I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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