I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
