you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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