Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
