Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize