I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
