It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
