They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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