i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
