Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
