dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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