Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
