I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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