you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize