Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
