where am i from again
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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