are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
