p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
