Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
