That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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