ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
