i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
