He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
