i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
