I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
