Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
