Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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