Pappa wants mamma naked
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
