guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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