let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
