The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
