he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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