apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up under a house in Key West
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