your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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