How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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