I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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