I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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