i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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