she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
