so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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