I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
