Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
