just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
