I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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