i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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