totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
