I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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