she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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