I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
