I got chris browned last night
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize