Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
