you win again, gameday.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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