i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Walk of Shame today included voting.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i've created a new STD.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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