Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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