we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
